Summer 2007, I can honestly say was the worst time in my life. I wouldn't wish what I to go through on anyone. Finding out the your younger brother is addicted to heroin, right after you get home from a beautiful summer wedding kind of sets the mood for the summer even if it was only the middle of June. The rest of the summer is blur to this day. I remember switching shifts with my older sister, we stayed up all night to babysit him while he detoxed. If you have never been around someone detoxing .. its horrible for anyone involved. The person detxoing is going through the worst physical and mental pain one can experience. Their body is yearning.. begging.. pleading for the drug. Some actually die from detox alone. My sister and I had never through anything like this in our whole entire lives. We tried to comfort him in whatever way that we could. Turning on the heat and then off the heat, turning on the fan and putting it right up against his body because he was sweating so bad. Trying to get him to calm down and lie back down when he awake with rage and try to leave the house. We knew why he wanted to leave, he needed more drugs. Listening to his cries for help, his screams of pain and seeing his tears. Watching. Waiting. Praying. Rubbing his back and holding back the tears because you could feel all the bones in his body. Why hadn't we seen this sooner? I went through a lot of depression. Probably gained a lot of weight. My family broke up because no one could agree on the way we should be treating Dan. When my brother left for rehab we all had such high hopes, some realistic, but most unrealistic. Addicts are just that addicts. They relapse its part of the process. So when my brother relapsed, sure I was upset and pissed and upset some more. But I think I knew in the back of my mind that it would get better, or at least I hoped it would. Thats just the thing about dealing with addicts.. no one really knows what to do. Its all grey area and it sucks. I feel like we have come a long way today, sure there are still concerns and sure I probably try to hold on to him more than I should. But what people dont understand is that I have never felt closer to two human beings in my life as I do with my brother and sister...and thats what keeps me going everyday. I love my brother dearly.. with all of my heart and soul. I cry when he cries.. I laugh when he laughs.. I celebrate his success..I am sad over his failures..but today.. I just look at my brother and smile.. He's come a long way.. He's got a long way to go.. and every step that he takes.. I will be right behind him..with one of those large foam fingers.. cheering him all the way.

xoxo.

Bah hum bug <--- thats what I would say if it were Christmas.

Middle finger <---- thats what the person in front of me gave me because he thought I was following too closely, which I probably was, but he didnt have to go 1 MPH over those speed bumps so that his crappy lowered honda wouldn't scrape.

2 days <-- thats how many days ago my checks were supposed to arrive.

70 degrees<---- the supposed temp. for tomorrow. I can only hope.

Two weeks <--- length of time my brother has been sleeping on my couch... (note: he said it would only be for the weekend.. last time I do this.)

25 <--- number of dollars in my checking account. just call me broke hoe.

Spaghetti <---what my boyfriend is making for dinner tonight.

3 inches <---- amount my drivers side door opens, thanks to my brilliant accident.

I could really use a nice surprise tomorrow.. LIKE some moneys.  Its amazing how money can just make your entire week seem better. But if I had money I could fix my door on my car.  And eat. And well you get it.

I am sitting at my desk in my office filled with misc. office furniture because no one else wants it in their office. My radio is tuned to country .. I was in the mood today. Taylor Swift is singing to me about her boyfriend or something. There are papers piled on my desk but for the most part it is actually organized. My stomach is full from lunch. I keep looking at the clock to see if its time to start working again.. yes, I did stay at my desk for lunch. yes, I should get out and get away.. I know. I am so broke right now.. its not even funny. I am waiting on 2 checks that should be here anyday now. I sold some stocks (the only good thing about sbux.) and I am in desperate need of my earnings from that. My fridge is empty. And so is my bank account. Ahh.. the joys of working for practically nothing. I tried talking to my boss about that.. you know my wages. Things were left up in the air and now I am just wondering if I ever will get a raise. Everytime I open my paycheck I get my hopes up, only to let down.

I dont know what I am going to do when I get home. I think I need to get out.. maybe go on a walk. The cold that I have had is actually starting to leave so yes, I think I will go for a walk. Its such a routine for me when I get home its like eat, watch tv, play sims, go to bed. Boring. Anyone else get into routines like this?

xoxo

Karma is an amazing thing really. I think I am feeling the wrath of my karma at the moment because I faked sick and now am sick. Lovely, I guess I got what I deserved.

Yesterday morning  I started to drive to work with my foggy-cold-snot-filled head and I hit someone else's car in a moment of panic because my coffee was tipping over and spilled all over the car. Priorities Krystal! Anyways, the car I hit was barely damaged, I will just have to pay for a new license plate holder. Mine, however, is scraped and bumped and bruised if you will. My drivers side door wont open and now I have to crawl over the passenger seat to get out.. not to mention the sad little side panel that is all crunched and sad looking now.

I am so looking forward to hopefully going shopping.. I hear that our stimulus payments might be deposited sooner too!! All too exciting as I desperately need new clothes!!

Wishing you all a big fat stimulus check :)

Okay so I realize that the last post was a little.. eh? angry.

I am in a bit of a mood lately. Very resentful and I dont want to be. My little brother is staying with me for a while .. it was originally supposed to be a weekend but has now turned into who knows how long? Anyways, my parents want nothing to do with him and havent called me since he came to stay. There attitudes are really making me mad. I feel like I am the only one who cares about him.. because well, I am.

Anyways, I will move on. I will get over it sometimes you just gotta vent.

I am looking forward to the weekend. Relaxing and what not. I hope its fantastic for you all!

xoxo

i absolutely love this girls voice + shes pretty cute too!!! hehehehe. yay for girl crushes! dont tell my BF though ;)

Okay, I know I started WW. But after a few weeks into it, I couldnt help but think.. Its not for me. I think its great, dont get me wrong, but I guess I was hoping for a diet that would make me eat healthier as in organic and raw foods and what I found was a diet that teaches you to eat sugar free which I am not a big fan of. I bailed on WW. I bailed on WW, just like I bailed on my etsy page that I am supposed to be working on and crafting..and just like I find myself bailing on my friends every now and again. I think I fear committment, but not in my love life. I have no problem committing to my BF. Its just everything else.

How do I make myself follow through with everything?

On a side note, work is still going the same.. I dont think anyone's actually had a conversation with me in about 2 weeks. Its so strange the way they all just have no interest in getting to know each other.. or maybe just me. I had an interview yesterday so I am keeping my fingers crossed!!

Hope all of your days are going well.

xoxo,

krystal

9 days into "the program" and I have already lost 7 POUNDS! Woo hoo. But I will say that it is not easy to control your portions and change up your diet. I have been living off of SmartOnes the frozen meals for lunch. They are actually really good and save me a lot of money because I on my lunch break before, I would usually eat fast food. I cannot wait to keep losing weight in anticipation of summer!

Its weird having these things called "weekends" now, and I don't miss working at Starbucks in the least!! I miss having the extra money, but it really wasnt that much money!

So as for now, I will sit and brainstorm and think of creative ideas over the weekends. I will keep adding to my etsy page and dream and hope and wish for my ideas to sell. I know they will... I just have to watch them evolve.

I will take some pictures of the new apartment over the weekend to share with you all. I hope you have an a-mazing weekend filled with crafting.

xoxo.

Okay so I dont know if its this new apartment that has me all amped and ready to make some changes in my life.. but something is.

I don't think that I am fat. But I do think I have gained almost 40 lbs. since I graduated high school about 5 years ago and I am not okay with that. I am a little "gushy" in places. Yesterday I joined weight watchers because it had worked for a lot of people I know and because its my eating habits that I need to change.. and most of all my eating portions. I eat relatively healthy, I just don't know when to stop and I will eat when I am bored. Not good. So here begins the start of my journey to better health and to fitting into my beloved AE jeans that I wore senior year.. Ahhhhh....

On other news I quit Starbucks officially on Monday! It feels so good to have my weekends free. Now I am only working a 7-4 Monday thru Friday shift.. I feel like I am normal again!!! But can I no longer call myself a barista? I am not sure that I am okay with this.

xoxo,

kiki

I have been making some last touches on my new re-vamped etsy shop. I am so excited to share it with anyone who'll listen.

There's a ton more to come. This is only the begining.

www.kikilovesyou.etsy.com

Thanks.