10 posts from May 2008

Gawddddddddddddddd I just wanna take my lunch break but I have like an hour and a half before I can. My ass hurts from sitting at my desk all morning and I have to pee. Ergh, sometimes being a receptionist sucks. I feel like I am chained to the phone because well, I am.

I am being random today. I think I have ADD. I realized this over the weekend because i tried to start 4 different paintings and didnt finish any of them. Then I moved onto sewing.. I was working on these way cool ribbon bracelets but didnt finish any of them.. Then i moved on to making cards.. And you can guess how that ended.

I am so excited the Sex and The City movie is coming out tomorrow. However I have like no one to see it with... Ahhh, love that! NOT.

I asked B's friends-girlfriend if she wanted to hang this weekend and she said yes. It was really awkward because I havent really done that ever.. But DAMMIT I need to make some girl-friends.

Lunch can't come soon enough.. Crap, I think I have to crap. Phones ringing.

So this weekend was fabulous and very relaxing. Brandon and I celebrate 3 years together officially together on Wednesday but we sort of had a chance to relax and celebrate this weekend. He told me what he would like to get me for my anniversary present.. its very exciting because it symbolizes past and future to me. It is a ring.. just a simple diamond band or whatever band I would like that would like ..that would someday be incorporated into my wedding ring. He thought of that on his own. I think its really sweet. We have been looking around for a ring but nothing has really struck me as something I want. I think I am too practical because I do not want something huge and expensive. We'll see.

Its funny how much pressure there is on you to get married.. pop the question.. I can't tell you how many people have asked us that. Personally I think its ridiculous. There shouldnt be a time frame that a couple must get married within. It has to be right with the couple. And I dont think that just because you have been dating someone for a year or 3 years means that you know them well enough to get married or that its time to get married. Three years together and yea, I feel like I know Brandon pretty well, but he still surprises me sometimes. I guess surprises are inevitable no matter if youre married or not. I don't know what I am trying to say. I guess I am just trying to express my angriness for all those people who ask me when I am getting married.. Or ask Brandon when he is gonna pop the question. Timing is everything and we will know when its time.. and I can tell you that.. its not time yet. :) To all those couples feeling the pressure.. remember take your time!! and dont pay attention to what others say.. its about you.

xoxo

Closing my eyes.. drifting off.

I am thinking back. My apartment is filled with the scent of Nag Champa incense. He's lying there next to me in my bed. We are just talking. Thats all we ever did. My kings CD is on repeat. My fingers are running through his hair and our legs our intertwined. There was so much that I wanted to say, but never did. I fell hard for him..and he knew. Every moment I spent with him was incredible. I clung to his every word..and yearned for a kiss..just one. Though my feelings, he said, weren't mutual.. there had to be something. Something was keeping us together.. something was pulling us towards each other like a magnet. He was always by my side.. sleeping in my bed.. asking me to come along. He was my best friend...and yet, I barely knew him. He was my true love, and yet I never felt his lips on mine. If I knew then what I know now, I would have changed somethings. I dont think I would have held back like I did. I would have had more confidence in myself. I wouldn't have waited for his kiss.. I would have just given him mine. Because maybe that would have changed the present. Maybe things would be different for both of us. Or maybe we would be exactly where we are right now.. lost.. out of touch..and wondering what if.

I'll never forget you.

Ever.

One more thing.. here it is.

Had a great weekend at the lake. Finally nice to spend a saturday with my boyfriend.. After months of our schedules conflicting!!! This coming weekend is our third anniversary! It is so crazy to me that time flies that fast. It feels like only yesterday we were flirting behind the counter at Sbux.. Heheheh.

Ya know what annoys me? Girls that have to bulletin everything on myspace.. no no I am not talking about the surveys.. I dont mind those at all.. in fact I love reading them, its fun! But its the girls that have to bulletin their weekend plans as if they are a) bragging or b) trying to make it sound like they have a life when they dont!.. Its so annoying. For instance, one girl bulletin "I am buying 2 wave runners.. should make for a fun summer" Grrrreat. And another girl has to bulletin every single thing about her wedding. Its so ridiculous because she didnt invite half the people on her friends list (including me) yet she will bulletin things like "hey, if you havent RSVPed yet then please do by so and such date by email me at ______" or  "bridesmaids please make sure to buy your shoes by ____" Why cant she just email or call them. I dont know why it pisses me off so much.. Am I right? I guess I feel like they are bragging.. maybe I am jealous.. but no not really.

xoxo

I am so looking forward to this weekend. Its supposed to be about 90 here..and Brandon and I have made plans to go to the lake. Do some fishing, relaxing, sunbathing-WITH SPF, and snacking.

It should be a really good time. I invited my little brother but it sounds like he probably won't go, which makes me sad.

So with summer right around the corner I have been thinking of what I needed to do before bathing suit season. Obviously, I need a tan, because I am super duper white and it shows all your flaws whether it may be a little cellulite, stretch marks, or just your ever expanding thighs. I have been reading way too much about tanning beds to know that with my skin type, I need to stay away from them! I am fair skinned, natural blonde hair and blue eyes, with moles- all of those things put me at risk for skin cancer so I shouldnt jump into a tanning bed because that increases my chance at getting SC 75%. Yikes. So, I went to Target checked out the bathing suits, which clearly aren't made for people who wear a DD. And then skipped over to the skincare section and checked out SUNBLOCK and SUNLESS TANNING selections. I used the fake tan stuff and I am actually pretty happy with the results- minus the streaks by my ankle. Yikes. Anyone know any good sunless tanning tips?

xoxo

Okay the money situation has gotten betta. I finally got my checks.. and my bank account survived the terrible emptiness. I love being poor.

I am sitting at my desk thinking of things to do. Tuesdays are usually somewhat slow, and I dont really have any work thats backed up. So I just kind of wait for someone to give me a project.. I ask around to see if anyone needs anything done.. they usually dont. I try to find odd jobs to do. Stock the paper room, make copies of order sheets.. restock.

I guess I will organize. Its one of my favorite things to do. I think I can start throwing things out from the old receptionist.

I'll write more later.. I have to think some things up first!

xoxo

Summer 2007, I can honestly say was the worst time in my life. I wouldn't wish what I to go through on anyone. Finding out the your younger brother is addicted to heroin, right after you get home from a beautiful summer wedding kind of sets the mood for the summer even if it was only the middle of June. The rest of the summer is blur to this day. I remember switching shifts with my older sister, we stayed up all night to babysit him while he detoxed. If you have never been around someone detoxing .. its horrible for anyone involved. The person detxoing is going through the worst physical and mental pain one can experience. Their body is yearning.. begging.. pleading for the drug. Some actually die from detox alone. My sister and I had never through anything like this in our whole entire lives. We tried to comfort him in whatever way that we could. Turning on the heat and then off the heat, turning on the fan and putting it right up against his body because he was sweating so bad. Trying to get him to calm down and lie back down when he awake with rage and try to leave the house. We knew why he wanted to leave, he needed more drugs. Listening to his cries for help, his screams of pain and seeing his tears. Watching. Waiting. Praying. Rubbing his back and holding back the tears because you could feel all the bones in his body. Why hadn't we seen this sooner? I went through a lot of depression. Probably gained a lot of weight. My family broke up because no one could agree on the way we should be treating Dan. When my brother left for rehab we all had such high hopes, some realistic, but most unrealistic. Addicts are just that addicts. They relapse its part of the process. So when my brother relapsed, sure I was upset and pissed and upset some more. But I think I knew in the back of my mind that it would get better, or at least I hoped it would. Thats just the thing about dealing with addicts.. no one really knows what to do. Its all grey area and it sucks. I feel like we have come a long way today, sure there are still concerns and sure I probably try to hold on to him more than I should. But what people dont understand is that I have never felt closer to two human beings in my life as I do with my brother and sister...and thats what keeps me going everyday. I love my brother dearly.. with all of my heart and soul. I cry when he cries.. I laugh when he laughs.. I celebrate his success..I am sad over his failures..but today.. I just look at my brother and smile.. He's come a long way.. He's got a long way to go.. and every step that he takes.. I will be right behind him..with one of those large foam fingers.. cheering him all the way.

xoxo.

Bah hum bug <--- thats what I would say if it were Christmas.

Middle finger <---- thats what the person in front of me gave me because he thought I was following too closely, which I probably was, but he didnt have to go 1 MPH over those speed bumps so that his crappy lowered honda wouldn't scrape.

2 days <-- thats how many days ago my checks were supposed to arrive.

70 degrees<---- the supposed temp. for tomorrow. I can only hope.

Two weeks <--- length of time my brother has been sleeping on my couch... (note: he said it would only be for the weekend.. last time I do this.)

25 <--- number of dollars in my checking account. just call me broke hoe.

Spaghetti <---what my boyfriend is making for dinner tonight.

3 inches <---- amount my drivers side door opens, thanks to my brilliant accident.

I could really use a nice surprise tomorrow.. LIKE some moneys.  Its amazing how money can just make your entire week seem better. But if I had money I could fix my door on my car.  And eat. And well you get it.

I am sitting at my desk in my office filled with misc. office furniture because no one else wants it in their office. My radio is tuned to country .. I was in the mood today. Taylor Swift is singing to me about her boyfriend or something. There are papers piled on my desk but for the most part it is actually organized. My stomach is full from lunch. I keep looking at the clock to see if its time to start working again.. yes, I did stay at my desk for lunch. yes, I should get out and get away.. I know. I am so broke right now.. its not even funny. I am waiting on 2 checks that should be here anyday now. I sold some stocks (the only good thing about sbux.) and I am in desperate need of my earnings from that. My fridge is empty. And so is my bank account. Ahh.. the joys of working for practically nothing. I tried talking to my boss about that.. you know my wages. Things were left up in the air and now I am just wondering if I ever will get a raise. Everytime I open my paycheck I get my hopes up, only to let down.

I dont know what I am going to do when I get home. I think I need to get out.. maybe go on a walk. The cold that I have had is actually starting to leave so yes, I think I will go for a walk. Its such a routine for me when I get home its like eat, watch tv, play sims, go to bed. Boring. Anyone else get into routines like this?

xoxo